Neshoba County Fair (Political) Walk-Up Songs

*First appeared in the August 6 edition of the Laurel Chronicle newspaper

By now, the highlights of politickin’ at last week’s Neshoba County Fair have been written about, tweeted, Facebook(ed), or otherwise referenced by various media outlets. Undoubtedly you already know the gist of what was said – or, by the same token, what wasn’t – at Mississippi’s Giant Houseparty, and I’ve no interest in rehashing it.

Instead, I’d like to discuss the Fair in the context of baseball. Walk-up songs, to be exact. You see, I made a joke to fellow fair-goers last week that it would be funny if politicians, like baseball players, got to choose individualized music that would play as they walked onstage. This week, I’ve decided to choose that music for them.

I consulted a (self-proclaimed) walk-up song expert and learned the rules of choosing a song. According to him, it doesn’t have to be a good song, but it does have to be a song that’s relatively catchy in a brief amount of time – the time during which you “walk up” to the plate or, in this case, the microphone. Thus, songs were chosen in this manner and do not necessarily reflect my taste in music, although it has often been questioned by those close to me.

Walk-up song number one: I’m Going Home by Daughtry.

One of the major announcements made at the Fair came from my friend Senator Giles Ward, who told the crowd he would not be seeking re-election in 2015. I’ll miss Senator Ward, who is not only a strong conservative but also a heckuva nice guy. He told the crowd he’s looking forward to spending more time with his grandchildren, and, to borrow lyrics from the song, “I’m going home, back to the place where I belong, and where your love has always been enough for me.”

Lt. Governor Tate Reeves spoke on issues like balancing the state budget, reducing wasteful spending, and reforming education, saying his bold stances have saved taxpayer dollars but haven’t always made him popular in the halls of the Capitol. In other words, he told the crowd he has risen up to the challenge of his rivals, which also happens to be lyrics from our second walk-up song: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor.

I chuckled when listening to House Speaker Philip Gunn’s speech about Republican Party unity, the ups and downs of which he cleverly compared to a marriage. That’s why walk-up song number three is “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge. Everyone can see we’re together, Gunn told us (more or less), and conservatives fly just like birds of a feather. “High hopes we have for our future, and our goal is in sight,” he told us – that goal being implementing conservative policies in the Mississippi Legislature.

Takin’ care of business was the theme of State Auditor Stacey Pickering’s speech, and that’s why his walk-up song is Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s classic by the same name. Tax cheats and embezzlers, y’all better watch out for this guy. He’s taking care of business and working overtime.

Treasurer Lynn Fitch announced a new financial literacy initiative and said Mississippians needed to save more money to become financially stable. I interpreted her comments as encouraging the state’s citizenry to be fiscally responsible and pay our “Bills, Bills, Bills,” like the women of Destiny’s Child did in their mega-hit. That’s walk-up song number five.

Secretary of State Delbert (a.k.a. Englebert) Hosemann touted the success of the state’s voter ID law, a topic that naturally lends itself to The Who’s “Who Are You?” as walk-up song number six. Poll workers, sing it with me: “Who are you? Who, who, who, who? I really want to know.”

As the lone statewide-elected Democrat, Attorney General Jim Hood can really only have one walk-up song: “One is the Loneliest Number” by Three Dog Night.

Because I like puns, I’m assigning “Highway to the Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins as Highway Commissioner Dick Hall’s walk-up song for no reason other than both have the word “highway” in their title. (Also, I have a thing for cheesy music.)

Former Gov. William Winter (who is 91 years old, by the way) spoke at Neshoba. It was his 26th time to address the crowd, but his age was not a factor as he delivered a speech worthy of the elder statesman. He spoke about Mississippi’s history and its continual evolution. As Gov. Winter noted, “Times They Are A-Changin’,” and that’s why Bob Dylan is the man behind his walk-up song.

Promising to fight for Mississippi “because she’s worth fighting for,” U.S. Senator Thad Cochran deserves a walk-up song no less inspiring than Queen’s “We Are The Champions.” His speech was energetic and convinced me that yes, he will keep on fighting ‘til the end for our great state.

Finally, Gov. Bryant’s speech touched on many topics, including an anecdote about his conversation with Gov. Rick Perry of Texas on the recent border crisis. Gov. Bryant offered assistance to Gov. Perry, but the Texas executive declined. But what if he hadn’t turned us down, I thought? “Send lawyers, guns, and money” could have been his response, and that’s why Gov. Bryant’s walk-up song is that catchy tune by Warren Zevon. (Okay, it’s not a perfect fit, but a great song nonetheless.)

This concludes my list of Neshoba County Fair walk-up songs. Here’s hoping fair organizers will read this column and consider adding a music feature to the political speaking. After all, every houseparty needs a little rock and roll.